Wait a minute. How is it all of a sudden June 30th?!!!!

I feel like I've changed a lot since the last time I wrote. Here, have a summary of my past two weeks:

This is going to sound super hippie, but my goodness, yoga has started to really alter my life. I love it, it really works for me, and it's given me the chance to reinvent myself in subtle and fascinating ways. I feel in control and weak at the same time, powerful and completely lost, and all sorts of other false dichotomies all at once. The tensions in my body that I knew I was holding but never knew how to release are finally starting to float away, the mental and emotional blocks and resentments along with them. Our bodies are great at holding onto old emotional baggage in surprising places, and finding the release and counteraction for all of that has been fantastic. Bad muscular habits that I've held onto since I was eight because I didn't know how to release them and I thought I needed them, are finally gone, and I'm starting to feel like a new person. It's pretty fantastic, and I'm absolutely positive that this same sort of thing will just keep happening. Also, yoga teacher training is pretty flippin wonderful. Tonight we divided up the entire sequence of a basic yoga class and each taught a part while the rest of us took the class. We all did really well, especially given the fact that we all just finished our third week of training. The sense of accomplishment and community that the exercise brought out, along with the realization that I know more yoga than I think I do was really, really exciting.

I'm starting to realize that I am no longer just a student, but also a teacher and have found that incredibly fulfilling. The slight edge of not knowing whether I can make it through my next class, if my French-speaking abilities will be able to hold up under fire and get me through the next hour, if my vocabulary will be big enough to answer all of the random questions my students throw at me, is both exhilarating and exhausting. The humbleness that comes with having to admit to not knowing something combines with the certainty brought about by a successful lesson to create a roller coaster ride of emotions that makes me excited and exhausted and terrified and thrilled. All at once (sense a theme?).

Jumping back into Czech dancing has taught me the value of technique and of going with the flow. There isn't time to go back and teach me all of the dances that the group regularly performs, so my partner and I just have to pick up as much as we can as fast as we can. Dealing with that feeling of not knowing has been hard for me, since usually when I dance I at least have a general idea of what's going on and what might come next. That is not at all the case in Czech dance practices. Like everything else lately, it's scary and fun and educational, all at the same time. Not quite as completely me-altering as allllllll of the yoga or the teaching, but still pretty interesting.

Last on the list of new and exciting things comes the fact that I'm going to be (am, really) one of two Assistant Stage Managers for an Ananya Dance Theater production going up at The Southern this fall. I have absolutely no backstage experience. Like everything else, this will be exciting and fun and challenging and ridiculously crazy. Laurie and Ananya, two of the women I admire most, are the directors of the show, and I'm excited to have them in my life again. They challenge me to grow and improve myself in ways I didn't even know I needed to. The company as a whole is filled with strong women with strong personalities, and dealing with all of them might be a challenge. Then again, I'm (finally?) starting to realize that I might, myself, be a strong woman with a strong personality.

So, yeah. That's my life for now. I need to find more ways to make money, but don't really have the time to do that right now. Maybe just (just?!) spiritual and emotional growth will have to be enough for now. My schedule goes something like this:

Monday: off, Czech dance 7:30-10
Tuesday: modern if possible, teach at 5:30
Wednesday: Teach at 10, yoga teacher training 7-10
Thursday: modern if possible, teach at 12,
Friday: Teach at 3:30, sometimes yoga teacher training at 7
Saturday: Teach at 10, yoga teacher training from 2-5
Sunday: Yoga teacher training from 2-5
Also, 5 yoga classes at some point, usually around one per day with Tuesday and Thursday off. Also, none of my Assistant Stage Manager stuff is solidified yet, so that's still not accounted for.

That adds up to lots of time driving back and forth between Minneapolis and STP. Also adds up to lots of scheduling difficulties, and feeling like I'm on the go constantly. I can't tell if that's just because it's a new schedule and I'm still settling in, or if I'm actually that crazy busy. Anyways, this post is ridiculously long and I'm going to bed so I can get up in time for modern tomorrow.

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